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Scrooged

August 15, 2009

thoughtThe mind never ceases to wander, never ceases to work, always wondering…. thinking ….

Just a moment ago I stopped. I tried to stop thinking, but then trying myself to stop thinking made me think more. Flashes from the past, what is happening in the present and worries for the future entered my troubled mind all at the same time. It froze my body, almost stopping my being to exist in time. Floating in nothing but in a hallow space.

let goThe past: I thought,  What if I didn’t do what i did?… What if I’ve let go of what I’m holding on?… What if i never let myself believe?… What if…and more… I couldn’t answer,  I refuse to answer. It will pain me to answer therefore I cannot and won’t answer. I’ll let go of the past…

hold onThe present: What is happening? What am I holding on to? Am I holding anything at all? Is it just my imagination, a make believe? The fact is, my soul is a solitary soul, wandering, hanging on a thin thread of hope for survival…while the chaotic world is trying to snap it apart. I shall hold on. I shall try to survive.

flickerThe future: I can see a blur. A map not so precise. A question and an answer. A path, a dark tunnel and a flicker of light.

A moment of being scrooged. A moment of truth. A moment worth stopping. A moment I should try to remember and then forget. A moment to hold on to. A moment I should let go. 

I have to wake, I have to walk on.

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