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I will always love you

February 12, 2012


This song is my favorite among Miss Whitney Houston’s songs. It was once a company to my sorrows.

It was a shock this morning to see her name in the news. She will be surely missed.

To Miss Houston, thank you for the wonderful, beautiful music you’ve shared with us.

Farewell. 😦


Old Manila, Philippines

June 2, 2011

I didn’t know how I felt when i saw these clips and picture. A mixture of sadness, anger and grief.

I was born tree decades ago and never have I seen anything in the Philippines like this. How would I love to go back in time and stayed there.

Nowadays, you would see litters, rubbishes and filth on the streets of Manila. Crime and mischief is in every corner. You won’t be able to trust anyone! Tondo and Ermita were very beautiful. Shame… now, they are known with bad reputations 😦

Pasig river was immaculate! And Manila bay was gorgeous, the waters were clean, but now the smell of the waters makes you fell like vomiting. 😦

In the video, everyone is disciplined, seemed polite, and everyone is working. Outside the church, there are candle and flower sellers but not one beggar at all. It almost made me cry when the baby was given to the convent, atleast it wasn’t aborted and it was given a very good life and was educated. We don’t have that anymore.

In the provinces, its either they became cities like manila of today or they look devastated with poverty.

There are million things to compare from then and now. From the physical structure, to cultural, to the ways of the Filipinos.

Whatever happened to our land?

Whatever happened to our people?

What will happen next? Hopefully the new generations of Filipinos will see this and hopefully they will have the drive to save our land.

The War Within: Emotion

May 30, 2011

Twelve years. It was her whole life.

She was young when she started to wrap her world in a place where only a few could enter. It was happiness for her heart was dedicated. All she felt was pure unconditional love,  and that’s what she’s given, nothing else.

It was hell almost, for pain is constant, problems occurred endlessly… but nevertheless she thought she shall survive for the feeling she had was so strong. And she did. She did survive, She fought  knowing that even if she wins there will be the thought inside her that she may be loved for she only won. And then she won… well, she thought she did.

She neglected the fact that she worries, this uncontrollable fear she felt was enormous that it made her feel numb, until she became furious. Angry with herself and to the truth that she suppressed and hidden for a long time. She knew it will end her world.

What she has now is a little hope. The war inside her keeps on. The fear hides her away and she cannot reach out. She tried to open the door but it keeps on shutting. She feels hatred for herself. She knew she is hurting the only few who really cared for her. None of them knew that she’s in prison. She always sends her twin, a faux twin she sculpted from the views of reality which she sees from a tiny window of her world.

There is no cure. She even can’t comprehend although she fully understands her own ambiguity. Even if she tells herself what’s reality. Even if she tells herself that she’s just going through a war with her inner state… There is something in her core that wouldn’t accept.

It seems crazy for she know all the answers. She knows she’s in a quicksand of emotions. But she cannot control what is being felt. She only wishes to control her subconsciousness and wishes to control her insanity but she’s paralyzed.

If not,

Atleast to have inner peace just even for a split second so she can look at a calming face that keeps her going.

UBER Educated!

March 8, 2011

I had a long conversation with my sisteret today. We talked about a lot of things mostly politics (NOT!) and economics (unending!) But what captured my attention the most is my 3 year old niece’s education. My sister said she does not encourage her daughter to study much and she lets her be.  My sister doesn’t teach her and she tries to encourage my niece to play more rather than study and I think I do agree with her. WHY???

Because an almost four year old child studies:

Science:  invertebrates, vertibrates (susko! grade four ako nung pag aralan ko yan!)

Math:  fraction, addition and subtraction in 2 digits

English:  Ay ewan! ini-engles akong maigi nung bata kuha na pati ang aking accent!


In fernez we are all so proud that she’s at the top of  her class, being the youngest and without any  help, at mana sa tita nya…AHERMMM… but then again, is that normal education for a child of that age?


February 9, 2011

I don’t need a word to explain

The words seems to do nothing.

I don’t need to do anything to change

For I have nothing to alter.

I will swim in the sea of  humankind

And let the waves take me

Though poignant to drowning, I don’t mind

I don’t seem to die too quickly

I think I’m sure i have a bit of serendipity.

Yes folks not all is negative, we just have to see, not look.

🙂 tah for now!

Love Note

February 6, 2011

He died last year, of old age and frailty. He was a professor in Oxford University, he was a book writer as well. She was a music teacher , i think in the same university. She has dementia and she does not know our world anymore, she doesn’t remember him anymore. They were husband and wife.

A colleague sorted her messy room and in a bag full of random unwanted things and rubbishes, a note written in crooked letters and quite difficult to read (his hands were very unsteady and shaky) was found. It reads:


I knew him, I used to type and edit and print his stories and poems, writing was his hobby. We used to discuss anything under the sun except religion. He used to be a communist who became a socialist but stayed atheist. I knew he loved his wife, i knew he knew she was not with us anymore, sense-wise. I never understood how a very intelligent man cannot understand the fact that his wife has dementia, he treated her as normal. I explained to him a few times during our conversations that his wife wouldn’t be able to understand, more so, to retain information. He used to just look and smile at me and not comment at all, sometimes he will just nod.  Now I know, i wasn’t able to grasp his reason for acting like that for my head did not read his heart.


My Doll

January 14, 2011

There’s a few reason why I’m blogging this.

  • I like church yards especially with snow (lungkot nga lang kasi he’s missing someone who passed away)
  • I’m starting to love guitars
  • This was filmed from a county near mine
  • His accent will be loved by kamahalan,  Reyna Elena bwahaha!
  • I’ve met him unknowing that I have and unknowing who he was! leche!

I wish medyo nosy ako sa celebrities! I have met a few already sa aking mga paglalakbay and sa ka ignorantehan ko, di ko kilala mga nakakausap ko! hmpt! ke teyngey ko talaga!

La lang gusto ko lang i share yong video more than the song hehehe.